Friday, May 22, 2009

Part 3..Jacob and Maddie's story

When they arrive, they get the relevent information and hook him up onto some oxygen. They are amazingly calm. My sister stays with my other children, while I take the trip in the ambulance with Jacob. They work on him in the back, "bagging" him all the way. I sit in the front, turning to the back constantly asking them..."Is he alright?"

"He'll be OK love."

We arrive at the hospital 15 minutes later. So much happens. It's like watching ER, but it's happening to me and my baby. I've set myself into a kind of a limbo state. I guess I have detached my emotions from my body. Thats how I cope with situations I know i can't handle. Drs work on him. Nurses are everywhere. We are in the recuss room. I can't believe what's happening. It seems so dreamlike. The Drs try and put a canula in his tiny, delicate hand. I should be fine with this precedure...I nearly vomit. They tried didn't work. The Dr says he will intubate him. Not knowing much about ventilators I didn't realise the significance of this action. I went along with everything they said...they were the doctors.

It took close to four hours to stabilise him so that he could be transferred to the children's hospital. Once he was stabilised I was told I could go up to him. I was scared. I didn't want to get emotional. I could not have coped if he.....

I walked up to him, such a little thing on such a huge bed. So much equipment surrounding him. I gently stroked his little arm with my softly and slowly. I sobbed. I sobbed because when he left hospital 3 weeks ago I promised him he would never be in pain again. Never hurt again. I broke my promise. I am so sorry little man.

The transport team arrived, and , after about an hour of organising, Jacob left for the children's hospital. My husband turned up with Maddie at some stage. I recall going to a "quiet " room and making a phonecall to him to meet me at the hospital right away. There was no helicopter availabe, and no room in the ambulance for passengers, so we had to make the long journey seperated from our baby, not knowing what was going to happen to him on the way...for all we knew he may nat even make the was just horrible.

The trust that is required in situations like this is amazing. I am the type of person that has a panic attack if my children ever travel with someone else. So, to let my baby go by himself was a huge deal to me.

We arrived at the hospital 25 minutes later. We checked at the information desk to see if Jacob had arrived. He hadn't. I had images of my baby dead at the side of the freeway, due to equipment failure We decided to get Maddie checked out in the emergency room while we were there waiting for Jacob to arrive, as she was a little unwell. Her oxygen levels were down, so they decided to keep her in a ward overnight for observation.

In the emergency ward, we bumped into the doctor that transported him to the children's hospital. She said that the journey went well and that he is now up in ICU. I just hugged her from relief and thanks...she probably thought i was a bit of a nut. That was the least of my worries. My husband went to help him settle into the ICU while I stayed with Maddie.I was so torn...with one critacally ill baby and another very sick one. I was an absolute mess.

Over the next week, a whirlwind of events were to turn our world upside down. Twenty four hours after Jacob crashed, Maddie followed. It was no surprise to me that they decided to put her on life support as well. She was struggling with evry breath too. The intensivists, the ICU doctors, warned us that babies die from RSV bronchialitis, a virus that produces mucus in the lungs, too much sometimes, for tiny, premature lungs noy properly developed. It was only as time went on that I truly believed them.

OK ladies...i am yet agian bawling....its like I am right there again as I write this...I can only handle so much at a time...Sharon said she would love to see more be honest Sharon..taking photos was the last thing on my bubbies were lying there dying, the only time I took a photo was the day after the night we nearly lost maddie...but I will put a couple in of them when they were little...I don't have many though!!

Here is Maddie and Jacob...this was when they wre in the NICU a few weeks after they were born...I don't have photos when the were first really sick...this is just normal stuff for premmies...Anyway..thanks for having a little look at my story...Take care until next time....xxxx


  1. OMG Mandy I don't know how you are writing this...I am so feeling your pain!!! And I too am bawling along with you! My Jeff has not gone through any of the ordeals that your beautiful Jacob and Maddie have been through! But I know exactly how you feel watching them do things to your lil baby.
    I always wished that they could do all the things to me instead of to Jeff...Even still today I really wish that Jeff didn't have to go through what he has been through! Thank you for sharing those precious photos of your lil bundles of joy! I really do appreciate them! And Thank you for sharing your twins stories...I have put a lil link on my blog!!! You should write a book about your experiences, I am loving reading this! Take care of you to Darling Luv Shaz xoxo

  2. I bet it was sooooo hard to leave jacob in someone elses hands - in the condition he was in, you just would want to spend every second with him.
    You are such a brave women to share your story with us - as i can imagine it's like re-living it. It's so heartbreaking all the things you went through hunnie but i am soooooo happy to hear that 8 years later the twins are alive and healthy xxx