The next couple of weeks went by in euphoria. My tiny babies were home. We had plenty of visitors. They all enjoyed wearing the babies like a brooch. They were so tiny, thats what they looked like.
Two weeks after the babies were home they needed to se their paediatrician for a routine check up. They were both still quite sleepy and needed to be woken for their feed...but that was pretty normal for premmies. They also had a bit of a runny nose, but that was about it.
The paediatrician assured me that all was fine, and he laughingly added they would be in hospital with bronchialitis within a week.
I thought nothing of it, as they basically had the snuffles. A little cold. 6 days later I took Jacob to my locval doctor. His feeding was not great and he was quite lethargic. He diagnosed bronchialitis, and prescribed atrovent through a nebuliser. This was to help his lungs a bit. That thursday night he was still not feeding well, and he had turned quite pale.
He slept through the night. I thought it best he get a good rest to help him recover. I checked him at 8.30am. He was very pale and he had a blue tinge around his eyes, nose and mouth. Alarm bells should have been ringing, but I was told that premmie babies often turn a bluey tinge when they have wind. Around 9.30 he still hadn't woken, so I decided to wake hima nd give him a feed.
He didn't want to feed. He didn't wake up properly. Did I imagine it...or did he just stop breathing??? No! Don't be stupid. You're being paranoid. I'll ring the Dr and see what he says. The Dr said he rang the paediatrician and he will see him next Friday. I tell the Dr I think my baby is going to die. He says go to the hospital. I ring my sister who lives a couple of minutes away, and ask her to come with me to the hospital, so she can sit beside hima and shake him if he stops breathing. I give Jacob some ventolin in a nebuliser, I ask my sister to help as I gather Jacobs stuff to take to the hospital. " Mandy...I think he just stopped breathing" I drop his nappy bag and run to his side.I assure her, and myself, that he is breathing...but then I see it. The vapour is pouring out of the machine and not being inhaled. He HAS stopped breathing.
I panic, I have never called an ambulance before. I slightly shake hima nd he starts breathing again. I feel stupid thinking to call an ambulance. What if i am overreacting....He stops again. He can't start breathing again..............
I call 000 and scraem into the phone..." My babys not breathing!!!"
They begin to tell me what to do. I have forgotten how to do CPR. I relay the directions to my sister who is still holding him.
Put hin on the floor.
Turn him on his side.
Is he breathing?
I tell them no.
Do a little puff in his mouth.
Then I decide that if my baby is going to die, I will be the one who has trried to save him. I pass the phone to my sister.
Check his chest.
I lifterd his singlet.
Is his chest going up and down?
Blow in his mouth.
I do this. He takes a few breaths, though very shallow.
He stops again.
Blow in his mouth.
I am frantic. I don't know what to do. My baby...my baby is going to die. What will I do? How will I handle it? I'll go insane. My other children are home from school, sick with asthma. They are jumping on the lounge going crazy screamib\ng..."Jacob's going to die! Jacob's going to die!" They don't get it...they are too little.
Is he breathing?
Di it again.
I blow in his moth. I know if i do it too hard I could harm him...even burst his lungs. If I do it too softly, it could have no effect at all. He starts to take a couple of breaths. My sister hangs up the phone. They obviously think everything is ok. Its not. They assure her the ambulance will arrive soon.
I continue to give Jacob mouth to mouth until the ambulance arrives. It felt like a life time, and I was so relieved to hear the sirens. I will never forget the spot on the floor where he lay as I tried to keep my dear little boy alive. I often look at the spot and shake my head in disbelief.
That will do of my story for now...I am getting all emotional writing it...even though it was 8 years ago....
Thanks for reading...until next time.
stay safe and give your little ones lots of hugs